FATIMAH

What is ALI without his FATIMAH?

You wouldn’t know it from some of the things I’ve said,

But all I ever wanted was my LISA.

I saw her then, the way she hugged that bear,

And made for him a bed, and sewed him up,

And loved him for the broken thing he was.

I’ve tried to find my missing buttons too.

I looked for them on beds and on the shelves,

But didn’t find a thing. And no one came.

I don’t know what it was about you, girl,

But it felt really good to make you cry.

It was this thing you did, and pigtails too,

And that white dress with little purple shoes

I pushed you from behind. You fell down flat.

You hit your face on impact. Didn’t move.

But then the wallop gorged. You screamed and cried

And ran away. I stood there by the swings

And watched you go. And still I don’t know why,

But baby, how I loved to make you cry.

Look I’m sorry I know this weird and I’m not supposed to say it like this but I’ve known you for a long time and to be honest you’re really really special. I think you’re beautiful. I think about you when I’m alone and you make me smile when I see you every day so I just wanted to tell you and I’m sorry if this isn’t how I’m supposed to do it but I like you. Will you go out with me?

So once upon a time, there was a fucking idiot. He went around picking flowers and stroking his hammer and nobody ever cared. He died and lived miserably ever after. And fuck him too because nice guys finish fast.

No seriously. What the fuck did you think was gonna happen?

I saw You once. I stood beneath the moon

the inconstant moon

the inconstant full moon hovered over the lake.

I said to you, “I love you, Fatimah.”

You love me too, the love of God in Heaven,

But I am not for you. And that is true.

And your ALI is out there, searching too.

Go find Him, love, and help him find HIMSELF.

I didn’t know it then. But now I see

That after all these years, you sneered and yelled

and seethed and simmered and treated me like a bitch.

It was because you needed me to come

and take you by your hair and make a whore

out of you on that couch, in that garage,

against the wall, atop your mother’s bed.

Life is funny. Hey, you never know.

You speak of love, and yet you know not ME.

For twenty years, you never respected me

As a man. They see us talk. They smirk.

And yet you kept it up for all these years

And laughed along with them, collecting points.

Now you’re alone. Today, I cut the leash.

I’m not going to touch you ever again.

You are too raw to be touched,

Your dragon too violent to be slayed

Too fire-breathing

I’ll walk away and let you smolder off.

Come get your earrings

Wait, no never mind.

I threw those things away the day you left,

So don’t come back. But give me back my book.

That sort of sexiness is just not right.

Your man looks like a weasel fucked a duck,

But there you are, a scorching wicked wet.

Go fuck yourself. I love you. Be my Mom.

I love you Be my MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!

Fatimah,

Forgive me, Fatimah,

And I’ll forgive you too, you clumsy mess.

You tried to give me back a hundred bucks

A hundred years too late. I fell in love

And gave you even more, and now it’s gone.

I love you, Fatimah. You love me too.

Welcome to my chamber, little girl.

I call this one, “The Lady and the Wolf.”

I see you brought your sneakers and a cake.

All the better to eat with you, my dear.

I am a Gentle Brute. Your nuca–“nape”–

Y esto es tu pelo, pierna, pie.

Nunca, Nunca, Nunca Nadie.

Mas, no mas, no mas, y mucho mas,

y mucho mas, y suave dulcemente.

Toca, chica, toca, ceda, si,

Toma

y toma. Fresas y cerezas,

Lluvia, Nubia, queso, malvavisco,

Dame nieve, dame piedra y fuego,

Dame, toca, dame, toca, toca,

alma, si, asi, asi, asi,

asi

So this is it. It’s here, and now we wait.

What are you up to?

It’s funny but I’ve never felt better. I’ve never felt more complete. I’ve never known a Truth as well as this.

There’s so much to say and no one to say it to. So much edge and no one to smooth it over. But this is fun, and this is how it works.

The day we stop trying to be together. That is the day we’re going to Be Together.

FATIMAH,

I stop and wait for You.

NOTES

LISA from the children’s book, “Corduroy” by Don Freeman. inconstant moon “Romeo and Juliet” 2.2. know not ME “Ulysses” by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. I stop and wait for You “Song of Myself, 52” by Walt Whitman.

Back to poetry.

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